Embracing the Camera

I've spent the last few years avoiding cameras. With the ease of media uploads, I'm always concerned an unflattering photo will appear on Facebook and burst my bubble of weight gain and aging denial. Now, a good photo? Go ahead and put that up! But it's been a while since I've actually liked a photo of myself.

But now more than ever, I am working on my feelings about myself. I don't want Eloise to grow up with an insecure mom, nor do I want her to think that we are valued based on our looks. While I do think she is an absolutely beautiful child, I want her to love more than that about herself. And I know it starts with my example. 

 Not only that, but I want her to have photos with me in it. I mean, really, we spend all day together. Shouldn't her photo albums reflect that in part?

So, I am embracing the camera. For my daughter and for myself. 

Soaking Up Summer (Forced Family Fun)

Forced Family Fun: When you know you need to get out and make a memory, but it is way easier to stay at home and run meaningless errands. So you drag your feet and force your butt to the pool, the lake, the trail etc. And during it, it's sort of fun, but sort of a lot of work. And then when it's over, in hindsight, you think, "Well that was fun!".



We've been doing our best to soak up the Texas summer months. I'm a homebody by nature, and I don't prefer dragging around a lot of stuff (and boy do babies need a lot of stuff!), while dripping in sweat, all the while thinking, "Eloise won't even know if she went to the pool/lake/trail...turn around and go home!".  So, it is easy to spend many of our days at home in the cool AC, but forcing myself to get out is always worth it in the end. I've got to remember that more often :).

And who can resist an opportunity to put a baby in a bathing suit? 

or a sunhat for that matter? 

Dear Eloise

Dear Eloise,

Sweet girl, words simply fail me. You are literally growing before my eyes.

We spent a while on the floor in your room today.

While you rolled back and forth among your sweet little toys, I just laid next to you and watched in awe. How can my birdie be so big? I mean, didn't I JUST get home from the hospital with my newborn in my arms? It feels like yesterday that I was pregnant and waiting for your birthday, but yet here we are almost 6 months later. It's been a lifetime but also a blink of an eye.

Sometimes you get frustrated when you can't reach your toys right away. I let you work it out because, little one, failure is a part of success. Plus, I needed a moment to photograph your fussy face. You also had me giggling a little with all of your vowel sounds and bubble blowing. I just know you will be babbling soon! 

We played like this for long time. After a while, I knew you were going to be fussy soon, so I actively soaked it in. I pinched your little thigh rolls, I kissed you at 100mph in your neck crease, I let you reach up and grab my bottom lip, and I told myself to never forget that at one point in my life, my afternoons were spent laying on the floor admiring you. How lucky am I? 

I Love You Once, I Love You Twice

I Love You More Than Beans and Rice,

Mama

Capturing It All

Two years ago, I started a blog. I didn’t tell anyone, and I tried not to make a fuss of it, thinking that if I kept it to myself there was less of a chance of failing. And by failing, I mean less chance that people would know I didn’t follow through with something. Again! I didn’t know what the purpose of the blog would be. I thought I could use it to explore experiences and resources with my profession or use it as a sort of life journal. In hindsight, I see that I was seeking a way to capture time. I was newly married, newly employed and beginning to feel like somewhat of an adult. It was such an exciting time of life!  But I could feel time going too quickly and knew that I would look back one day and yearn for those first years of marriage, that little bungalow on Bellvue Avenue, our dog Lili, and those small everyday moments that eventually add up to the big picture.  

I spit out 2 or 3 posts and that was that. (sigh) I certainly didn’t capture it the way I had hoped. 

Fast forward two years and as predicted, I yearn for that special season of life. Since then, we’ve learned more about each other. We’ve moved. We’ve traveled a bit more. We’ve (sadly) gotten less enamored with Lili. And most life altering, we’ve had a baby.

A precious little baby girl entered our world and has completely changed us forever. And here I am again, watching life go by too quickly. I actively try to savor moments/smells/sounds and sights…repeating to myself “remember this”, but it’s like trying to hold water in the palm of your hands. No matter how hard you try, it just trickles through.

So since I can’t make time stop, and since I don’t have a shot at time travel, I’m giving the online journal thing a go…. again. I want to have some sort of chronicle for our family. I want my kids to have something to look back on that gives them a glimpse into our everyday lives together, the choices we made, the people we were, the love we shared.  I want to capture it all so that when my youth has faded away and I’m no longer neck deep in new motherhood bliss, I can look back and know that I did what I could to live in the moment, create memories, and savor the small things.  Yes, I want to make time stop. I want to capture it all. But since it simply isn’t possible, I’ll take control where I can. And I’m starting with this post.